New Blog

Before I forget, I'll likely be starting a new blog for the next leg of the journey. The address will be;

neilpenn2.blogspot.co.uk

Day 47 - Vietnam

Before I start, I wanted to point anyone to the second part of my trip neilpenn2.blogspot.com

Jungley, mountainy, 20k trek through Cat Ba National Park today. Very active, pretty and with a healthy portion of rock climbing thrown in to add a bit of peril. All washed down with a 5km cycle ride to the boat. And if I may say, I completed the whole affair with some aplomb. I think I might have dropped a pound or two in weight since beginning the trip and that, plus being on my feet most days rather than sat at a desk eating cake, has probably improved my level of fitness. Which I'm rather enjoying, I must admit.

More tours around a different bay in the afternoon etc. but it's all proper touristy and I won't bore you with small print. A refreshing, drama free day though. 

The hostel is right on the water front and costs an outrageous $7 for private double room with a sea view. 

Oh, and to polish off my occasional series of obscure references from cult movie classics for this holiday; I am happy to confirm, from what I have been able observe at least, Charlie don't surf. 

I think Halong Bay is a good place to close proceedings. I'm going back to Hanoi for a couple of days for some actual rest and pampering before flying back to the UK. I don't expect anything much to happen so I won't try and limp through a couple of pointless posts just for the sake of it. Let's leave Vietnam and the trip as a whole on a high. 

I've enjoyed chronicling the journey more than I thought I would as it happens. If it has been a tolerable read then great. If it has raised the occasional smile, even better. If it has inspired anyone at all to travel more widely and to take on an adventure, then jolly good show. 

I never did find a use for that D-ring.

Welcome to the jungle

Here's the view of Halong Bay from the top of the sixth and final peak climbed today

Here's the $7 view from my room

One last pic of me on the boat today

Day 46 - Vietnam

It's been a funny old day really. Took the bus to Halong Bay. Booked a ticket in a boat, took a glorious tour around the bay and watched the sunset etc. Intended to spend the night on the boat but... My Spanish travelling companion wasn't 100% satisfied with the accommodation and.... Well to cut a long story short, ended up in a hostel on Cat Ba island. The absolute details are unimportant but it was mutually agreed that we wouldn't be catching the same boat back. Our Mediterranean cousins are not afraid of expressing their feelings.

As Top Gear fans may reacall, Halong Bay is a terrifically tranquil place. Normally.

If this isn't the most beautiful place in the world, it'll do until the most beautiful place shows up. 

Day 45 - Vietnam

Update - pics for Day 41 & 42 now added.

I've decided that these last few days aren't really going to reveal anything to anyone other than my holiday snaps and a few personal thoughts. Everybody has been to Vietnam so I'm not going to try and compete with everybody else. I'll just write a few lines in my own way to complete the blog as it were and you can read or not as you choose.

The taxi ride to the hostel was more of a Bond car chase than an airport transfer. Getting fed up of the traffic, my driver mounted the pavement at one point and drove for 3-400m on paving until reluctantly rejoining the road. I kid you not. That was new!

The hostel I'm in isn't too bad actually! In the old quarter, $20 a night private room (dorm was $5), hot shower, free beer in the evening etc. etc. Very pleased!

For the few readers that haven't made it to Hanoi, it is very busy, very vibrant and a very exciting city to visit. Lots of hustle and bustle, lots of fake gear (I bought the obligatory Rolex today) It's a cracking place to finish the trip I think.

From top left to bottom right; 1) Tea break at the local barracks. If they fight as well as they march, I reckon the Americans should have another crack. 2) A flag. 3) Uncle Ho at rest. I got told off for having hands in pockets - it's been a while since that last happened - and then having hands on hips. 4) A Vietnamese junction box. Ease of access won over health and safety.

A classic.

You've really got to know your Oliver Stone to get this....

Somebody once wrote Hell is the impossibility of crossing the road in Hanoi. That's what this place feels like. I hate it already and it's only been a day. Some goddamn day, grandma. The hardest thing I think I've ever done is try and cross when there's a green light. Three times today - I don't even know what I'm doing. A moped could be driving three feet in front of me and I wouldn't know it. I'm so tired. It's scary cause nobody tells me how to do anything cause I'm new and nobody cares about the new guys, they don't even want to know your name. The unwritten rule is a news guy's life isn't worth as much cause he hasn't put his time in yet - and they say if you're gonna get killed in the Nam it's better to get it in the first few hours, the logic being; you don't suffer that much.

Day 42 - Burma (Inle Lake)

Not a great deal happened today in truth, so I won't go on about it. I flew into the Shan (Top Gear watchers may recognise that from a recent special). It'a a big area and I'm in a very touristy bit called Inle Lake.
I got to my rather plush hotel, to find that I'd been given an over-water bungalow to myself. Which I didn't think warranted too much complaining about. Very very peaceful, Very very top end for this part of the world. My back is recovering from having seen few mattresses and more than a couple of hours rest in the last couple of days.

The Burmese internet just isn't man enough to upload pictures, so I'll post text and do pics when I have a decent enough connection. It's a shame though because some of the stuff I was hoping to share is really worth it.

What I did do today was have a traditional Shan full body massage. I was told it would be in the privacy of my bungalow. I must admit, not knowing what a traditional Shan full body massage in my bungalow might involve, I was ever so slightly apprehensive about it. Turns out I have an overactive imagination and it was mostly elbows. It was very nice though! $15 for an hour of elbows can't be bad can it?

I also went for a stroll and a beer in the evening. I asked for a bottle and was given 'Mandalay Beer'. I didn't give it much thought and waaaaaay too late I read the alcohol content on the bottle. 6.5%! (Carling is 4.1%, Stella is 5%) This stuff was drifting towards Spceial Brew territory! I'd already had a tad more than was prudent and it kicked in properly as I left the bar. I don't recall any real detail of the remainder of the evening.

I know this entry is a bit thin but it'll look better with a pic and I've spent most of my allocated blogging time faffing around with unsuccessful picture uploads.

Upadte - Pic of water bungalow

Update - Pic of Shan State in the early morning.

Day 44 - Burma

I was going to let this entry slide. Just not bother writing one today. Like one of the lost Doctor Who episodes, this would just be a lost day. 

I reconsidered however, partly because a missing day would bug the hell out of me and partly because there's some actual information that I can add about Burma. For a change I thought I'd inform and on this occasion, I'll try and make it accurate. That means this will be boring and factual I'm afraid. Anyone not interesting should wait for Day 45 to appear. 

The way to Inle Lake for tourists from Bagan is typically by bus or by plane. I don't know much about the bus but I met a couple that had done it and they said it took about seven hours and they arrived at 3am completely wiped out. If funds are tight, I guess this is the way to go. By air, there are at least four domestic carriers that I found, flying fairly sizeable turbo prop planes. The nearest airport to Inle Lake is Heho, about an hour in a taxi. The ticket cost me something like $100 and I booked online with Air Bagan but actually flew on an Asian Wings aircraft. So I guess they mix it up a bit between themselves depending on what is available at the time of flying. Flight time is about 35 mins and there are no allocated seats, so get on early if you have a preference. Both Bagan and Heho are small airports, so don't expect anything flash. They take your bags and you wait to be called through to the departure lounge - by a guy that is, no boards displaying info or anything like that. Same when it comes to boarding the plane. You wait for a guy to shout.

At the other end, baggage is dumped in a pile and you grab it and go to immigration for a passport scan. There are loads of taxis outside and you need to bargain hard to get a deal. Sharing is best. I got in with five others and my share came to 4000kyat, about four dollars. The driver will ask where your hotel is and drop you. The taxi was a rough and ready jostle in the back of an... open top Land Rover is the easiest comparison. You can pay more for something verging on comfortable if you wish. 

All pretty straighforward.

The town you'll want to be in is Naung Shwe at the northern edge of the lake. Well you can go wherever you like I guess but this is where everyone was headed, me included. Loads of hostels and hotels to suit every budget. Plenty of bars, tour agents, river boat cruises etc. etc. again, you can pay what you want. Get a hostel and pick up a river boat guy on the street for not very much, or let your nice hotel take the strain and dip deeper into your pocket. My hotel was expensive and they got me a day on the lake for $20, the one hour massage was $15 and an airport transfer back to Heho in a decent car was another $20. If you're travelling in company, it gets cheaper of course. A 640ml bottle of beer cost me $1.5-2 depending on where I went. Dinner with rice was $5-6. You can get everything cheaper but I wasn't really counting too much. Food and drink in the hotel was about three times as much but it wasn't what I was after. If you really want European food, there's lots on offer. Italian seemed to be on every menu but I couldn't vouch for its quality. 

I found Bagan, and Mandalay for that matter, much the same in terms of price and what was on offer.

I think that's about it! All very easy. Everything is on tap. You won't need to go searching for stuff, it will come to you. 

Day 43 - Burma (Inle Lake)

Took a long lazy trip across the lake today. My ship of choice, well it was less a ship and more a rotting canoe, was nameless and skippered by someone who's name I also never quite got around to memorising. Anyway, it and he got me there and back. The lake itself is of quite a size but manageable for a day trip. Once the sun burnt through the morning haze, Inle Lake was revealed in all its beauty. Very calm, very peaceful. Only a sizeable amount of tourists to spoil the atmos. This part of Burma has grown into tourism very quickly and the day was basically a tour of handicraft places on and around the lake. Silk and Lotus weaving (much more interesting than it sounds), boat building, cigar making, floating gardens and in each place a gaggle of locals selling tat. I bought a bagful of it. 

And that pretty much ends my tale in Burma. I have to say that it has been a standout part of the trip. I think I've already made that clear. It helps that it's warm and that I've stayed in some fairly nice places overnight but I'd have thought the same if I'd decided to rough it too I think. Well done Burma, you've done a great job. 

Burma is heading for democratic elections next year I understand. I'm not sure what that will do to the place but everyone I've spoken to is optimistic about the future. Tourism is already firmly part of the scenery and I imagine it will be like Vietnam in just a year or two. Shame really. I've found lots of authenticity here, alongside some shameless tourist exploitation. If I were in their place, I guess I'd do the same. 

There's a slim chance I've been able to upload a photo with this. If so, it should look from top left to bottom right; 1) the world famous leg rowing fishermen of Inle Lake. 2) you've gotta make choices in life. Look what necklace indecision has done to this poor lady. 3) Cheroot rolling on the lake. 4) another market, authentic, aromatic, vibrant.  

My vessel in the floating gardens

Day 41 - Burma (Bagan)

Had a cracker today exploring the area. I’m not going to be able to do the place justice in words, so I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves. The only thing I’ll add is that I did find myself exclaiming out loud on several occasions at the spectacle that is Bagan. If anyone is struggling for a place to go on their summer hols next year, look no further.

You know the Burmese really have got this tourism lark sussed very early doors. They’ve plonked all their pretty things all in one vast convenient field. So you don’t have to trot from town to town, looking for them individually. Very clever really. 

I hired an electric bike to get around for 6000 Kyat - about £3.80 for the day. I spent many hours pootling around the area in the sun, wind blowing through what is left of my hair and topping up my burn. No helmet obviously, no leathers, application of the brake was by foot. By that I mean, my foot was the brake. Top whack on an electric bike was probably 100kmph or maybe just a shade under. Hard to tell really. And I only fell off the thing twice (that bit is specifically for my mother and may or may not be true). 

I think I finally understand what Dumpys Rusty Nuts were talking about when they wrote, ‘I’m only happy when I’m riding my hog’. 

Stopped off for a cheeky sweet and sour pork lunch, which was both excellent and extravagant. It set me back a whopping £1.80. 

It's not easy to pull of a Dennis Hopper impression when astride an e-bike but I think you'll agree, I've not done a bad job. Well. Either you've got it or you haven't, right?

Urrghhh! The internet is so slow in Burma it's taken me two days to upload two photos. So this is all you get of Bagan for now. But trust me, It's awesome!!

Update - More pics of Bagan

Day 40 - Burma (Bagan)

I forgot to mention in the last post that everyone below stairs are so deferential to the point of it being embarrassing. They bow their heads and refuse to look you in the eye. It's kinda nice to be treated as special but a bit difficult as it is so subservient. Hey, I'm nothing special. And they are sooooooo polite. Is the lift ok for you sir? Can I carry your tissue for you sir?

Same deity like treatment in the place I went to eat last night. The spicy pork curry with a cold beer was absolutely excellent.

Myanmar beer pictured - Burmese wife beater. Dependable but to be consumed with caution. It catches up on you. 

Oh, and while I'm at it, if a rough bar in Burma, in the rough end of town can have a proper toilet, then the rest of Asia ought to be ashamed of itself. 

Spent the entire day on a boat from Mandalay to Bagan 10 hours in total. No big stories to tell except the inevitable crispy red skin by late afternoon but it was nice to plod lazily along the mighty Irrawaddy river looking out at fishermen, villages and pagodas in the sun. Tea on tap, bread and jam for breakfast. Light rice lunch. Quite the most excellent way to make the journey and well worth the $42 it cost me. 

The only blot on an otherwise splendid day was sitting on my sunglasses after coming back from the loo. I styled it out for 10 minutes before retrieving when no-one was looking. The experience proved to be to the severe detriment of said eyewear. Went wonky for the rest of the day. I'm pretty sure no-one noticed. 

Mandalay to Bagan ferry courtesy of Malikha River Cruises - recommended. Very cool early morning. Caught me out and by late afternoon I was deep fried. 

Day 37 - China (Kunming)

Not a great deal going on today so I thought I'd write a quick review of the hostel and update on some personals;

Health Check;

Shoulder - status 95%

Only in the last day or two has the old shoulder stopped giving me jip. Seems to be nearly there now with just the odd twinge

Foot - status 85%

Still not quite right tbh! I'm still not able to walk for long distances without my big toe telling me there's something up with it. Did about 10 miles yesterday and my foot knew about it. Getting there though I guess. 

Back - status 30%

Broken in seventeen different places from three nights sleeping on a concrete bed. 

Arse - status 100%

Everything as it should be. Details not required. 

Chin - status stubbly

I hate cold, mixed, communal ablutions. Exposing my bare essentials without the prospect of a happy ending is both unnecessary and uncivilised. So have been time efficient by not bothering to shave. Sod it. I'm not doing a photo shoot any time soon. 

Glad Inn - Kunming

Location - 0 prawn balls

There is no reason for a hotel to be here except land is presumably cheap and they can price rooms accordingly. Attracts local custom for the most part, apart from the nice Spanish lady who shared my view in all things.

Facilities - 0 prawn balls

Given that is only a couple of years old, it's a pretty poor show that they have squat toilets really. Beds have no mattress and is like sleeping on concrete.

Staff - 5 prawn balls

Can't fault them at all. Very very helpful and welcoming. 

Food - 3 prawn balls

Not entirely my cup of tea but that's not their fault.

Entertainment - 0 prawn balls

BBQ pit area with obligatory guitar playing traveller, wowing everyone with Chinese rendition of Wonderwall etc. etc. etc. there's simply no need for it. Appalling racket when you're trying to get to sleep on a concrete mattress. 

Overall - 1 prawn ball

Should have stayed in Guilin which was brilliant or allowed enough time to get out and about in Lijiang or Dali. I'm VERY annoyed with myself, plus I'm now knackered through lack of sleep. 

Day 36 - China (Kunming)

It's been a funny old day today. I was feeling a bit more positive about Kunming this morning. I upgraded to a suite(...!) which basically meant same poor standards, private space. I took a look around the bit of town I'm in and had a cuppa. There are bars and restaurants and shops etc. nearby so it's not all bad. I think the frustrating day lost travelling got to me a bit yesterday. There is next to no internet and Facebook, Twitter alongside Google, remain banned technology here, so no contact with the outside world pretty much. 

I then went for an explore in the city centre. I was going to tell the tale in full but it wouldn't really be fair on the party involved so the salient points are these; Green Lake Park was very nice. Foreigner street was vibrant, lunch was fine. My travelling companion then had her Geraldine stolen from her pocket and the balance of the day was spent replacing said phone inbetween tears, ripe language and everything else that goes with having your phone nicked. Several hours later, a new phone was purchased and a degree of order was restored. I felt for her to be honest. I find giving sympathy and 'there there's' isnt a natural gift of mine, so chose to offer silence and a warm smile for the most part. The occasional suggestion that we break the problem down into manageable parts, rather than assume that the world was about to end, seemed reasonably well received, but I stopped short of writing out a gannt chart to make sure nothing was missed. Which was what I really wanted to do. 

She did seem quite grateful for the support actually and I felt I'd done a decent thing - no more than anyone else in similar circumstances though. 

For the record, the Apple shop in Kunming, of which I saw every single inch of several times over this afternoon, seemed very nice too. 

Green Lake Park. That's about as interesting as Kunming gets.

Day 35 - China (Kunming)

Day 35 - Well the honeymoon had to come to an end. In summary, the flight out ifGuilin was cancelled without notice. Something I only discovered when I arrived at the airport. So I had to book onto a different flight, with a different airline later in the day. Then that was delayed by several hours. So got to Kunming late in the evening. Wasted day. 

Some may recall that I had to book my China accommodation in great haste for visa purposes and in the 15 seconds I had to choose a hostel, I picked poorly. I'm in the middle of nowhere again with lots of young people. In a dorm. Urghhhh! And they're not even Brits, or Aussies, or Septics - or even Europeans with a smattering of a language that I can communicate in. They're all non-english speakers. Friendly for the most part, just young (urghhh again) and not great company.

Because I spent an additional night in Guilin, I've also left myself little time to do the big trips in this part of the country. With that and the plane delay, it's a bit of a bust in Kunming, which is a shame as I was looking forward to it enormously. 

Made the best of a bad job and joined the gang for a traditional Chinese hotpot, which was interesting but I'm not a huge fan of boiled things. Everything tends to end up all soft and slimy. And I'm more of a crispy man on the whole. Urghhh again. Still, at least I can look forward to a good nights sleep with my seven Asian companions. And then a squat loo / communal shower in the morning. 

I'm determined not to break cover and book into a hotel this time. Soak it up and I might find a few surprises along the way. I will however see if there's a private room available in the morning. There are none tonight. 

Day 34 - China (Guilin)

Just an average day really. Saw rural China at its most spectacular. Ate some maggots. Got married. Same old same old. 

More ridiculous headgear - it's becoming a theme. The long haired tribe of women and rice terraces of Jinkeng-Dazhai filled most of the day.

From top to bottom; 1) Broadsword calling Danny Boy. 2) Rice. 3) More rice. 

From top left to bottom right; 1) the big reveal, I was rather nervous as you can tell. 2) Me serenading my bride to be (New York, New York was the first song that came into my head weirdly! So I started spreading the news until I forgot the words, which was about three lines in.) 3) Getting boozed up on rice wine during the ceremony itself. Not a bad way of getting through the big day - and don't ask me what my hand was doing in my pocket. 4) Damn woman wouldn't let me go. She seemed anxious to consummate, although the position was new to me. All in all, a busy morning.

Day 33 - China (Guilin)

Here's a shot from the window of where I'm staying in Guilin. It's the peach blossom river I believe. 

And again last night

Wasn't a terrible day all told on the river (Li I think. I'll try and look it up before posting). I've included the, quite literally, money shot. It's a bit unclear but you'll probably get the gist of what is going on if you look at the note carefully. Very possibly one of the most spectacular river journeys in the world IMHO.

Next up, a food and drink montage. The first is part of my first class train snack pack, which included on the right, 'Monkey Munchies'. It remains unopened. The second is the Irish pub I found. There had to be one. Finally, some more stickie goodness. I'm living off them. These were reminiscent of pork but it could have been anything. ......let's imagine for a minute it was pork and move swiftly on. It tasted bloody great whatever it was. 

Lastly, I really have started talking to myself (Gerald is a terrible conversationalist). Oh come on!! I met my fourth English speaking person in five weeks today - not counting the ex-pat night in Almaty and had to restrain myself. She was a Venezuelan with perfect English (American) and I had to leave her after a bit for fear of appearing massively creepy. I was just excited is all. I'm firm in the belief she thought me politely reserved. Actually, I'm doing fine all told but to hear an English voice is becoming very weird and to hear my own voice out loud is kinda therapeutic. I don't think that's toooo odd is it...? Shit. Maybe. 

Day 32 - China (Guilin)

This is a complete piece of piss. China is eminently more recognisable to me than Central Asia was by far. Hotels look like hotels, taxis look like taxis, you change money in a bank rather than find a guy on the street, there are schedules that are designed to be met, boards with information on them, etc. etc. I don't understand the language but the broad reference points are very familiar by comparison.

Tourism comes to you, you don't have to go and find it. Pay a fella some money and you get to see and do wonderful things. It's different. I guess there are two kinds of travelling going on here. I won't try and explain any more than that but it's a different feel to the trip, here at least. I wouldn't like to say what kind is better, it depends what you're after but it's a hell of a lot easier, that's for sure. 

Caught the bullet train from Wuhan to Guilin. Now these people know how to do first class. All went without a single hitch and arrived exactly on time. No stress, no fuss, helpful smiley people. Nuff said.

Guilin is super super cool by the way. I arrived as it started hooning it down and went out for an explore in the evening. I'm basically in Bladerunner. I'm sure I saw a thermal bloom coming off what must be the Tyrell Corporation HQ off in the distance. 

Travellers Fact: Mopeds still rule supreme on the roads of Guilin. And the pavements. Much like the obesycles back in the UK, they're used as a lawless pedestrian battering ram. The only difference being, that the mopeds are mostly driven by tiny old ladies over here. They are however driven with the same lack of care for machine, absence of space awareness and regard for other human beings. If I don't get mown down by one of them in the next couple of days I'll be amazed. 

Travellers Question: Do androids dream of electric sleep?

Answer: Google it - I can't.

Spot the skin-job.

Late night munchies. Quite literally, 'something' on a stick. 

Day 31 - China (Wuhan)

So a bit of housekeeping up front. To all my loyal readers, apologies for the delay in getting the China blogs published. The Chinese government and Google have had a bit if a row and now Google is banned in China. That includes my Google owned blog software, hence the delay.

I've done the, 'adventure' leg and am now on to the 'tourist' leg. I've found plenty to write about so far on the whole but the touristy bits might not provide the right material for daily updates. We'll see. At the moment, I'm considering wrapping a couple of days into a single post ongoing but will play it by ear a bit.

Anyway, it's been a long haul into Wuhan;

Taxi to airport

Flight from Almaty to Urmqui

7 hour layover in an empty airport before connecting to Wuhan

Bus to Wuhan Railway station 

Walk to hotel

24 hrs in total with a couple hours of snatched snoozing along the way. 

The hotel informed me that I'd booked a room on an hourly rate (despite my records quite clearly stating not) and couldn't understand why, if I'd only booked for 4 hours, I wasn't checking in with some company. Apparently that's unusual. It's that sort of place. Hey-ho, I rashly splashed out on an entire overnight stay and maybe I'll get lucky later. 

Now I think about it, the swish hotel in Almaty didn't let me put my bag down before asking if I wanted some girls arranged. I obviously have that kind of look about me. Best not overthink that. For the record, and in particular my mother, I have declined in each case. I encourage no further comment on the subject. 

There is absolutely nothing to say about Wuhan. I'm here for the train to Guilin. Bought my ticket for tomorrow with less fuss than anticipated. Well I bought a ticket to somewhere at least. The only thing of note is that it is blistering here. It's got to be +10 outside. I'm thinking about getting my legs out. 

Reception decided not to take any chances in the end...

Day 30 - Kazakhstan

So the second leg of the trip comes to a close and I'm off to more obviously touristy parts of the world. China, Burma and Vietnam. The Silk Road will shortly be behind me. I won't do a postmortem now but it's been quite something. Not all that many people follow this road. Fewer from West to East and fewer still at this time of the year. I've met a short handful of people doing a similar thing and no one doing the West/East route at the same time. That makes it even more special for me. It's a bit intrepid. It's verging on the hardcore. It's a bit 'deep end' for someone open minded but in matter of fact, inexperienced. 

All in can really say is that I've learned a hell of a lot and it's been wonderful from start to finish. I'm much more seasoned now and have developed something of a thousand yard stare off the back of it. I'm much better prepared for what comes next. There'll be trips, slips and ripoffs aplenty but I'll be ready for them now. 

Almaty has been a nice place to finish off. It's contrasted and complimented the rest of my trip very well all told. Did I mention that it has been cold? 

Icy Xmas decorations outside the bar last night

Almaty in the morning. I rather liked it!

Day 29 - Kazakhstan

My Russian is improving. Or is it my kazakhstani? I'm no longer sure what language I'm speaking. It's a bit different everywhere I go. In any event, I'm now able to order a beer AND ask where the toiletna is. Which at the moment is proving essential in at least one case (I won't go into the details). 

Had a long walk around the bits that had eluded me so far. I won't bore you with the tiniest details of the Sunday market etc. but it's a pretty normal thriving city and I guess on that basis somewhat different in feel to the rest of the 'Stans' (the bits that I've been to anyway). It also has an evening culture that has been noticeably absent from almost all other places I've been. I've found the odd bar here or there and some restaurants dotted around but broadly, Central Asia is light on nighttime fun in my experience. In fairness, it probably helps to know where to look - which I haven't. Almaty has a definite ,'Russian' feel about it rather that Central Asian. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing of course. Anyway, Almaty has a hatful of bars, clubs, restaurants etc.

Speaking of hats... Shortly after I arrived I bought a hat. A big hat. A big furry hat. 

East unexpectedly and unconventionally, meets West

Day 28 - Kazakhstan

Ok, first things first.

Travellers Tip - I have been trying to use Google maps offline to get around. My iPhone is so old it can't really handle it. My iPhone is also too old for this next one too but the iPad  does pretty well with it and I'd quite literally be lost without it. Citymaps2go. Offline maps with your smart device gps is really really helpful. Got the tip from a fellow traveller and I'm really grateful to him. It's been very helpful. Tbh, I wasn't even aware of offline smart maps until I started the journey but have switched onto them pretty quickly. Anyway, that's the science bit. 

Had a very slow walk around today. Very nice. Went to another bazaar and again, most impressive! 

Almaty has a sizeable ex-pat community it seems. Or maybe I just met them all in the pub last night. Another town with big oil connections but nothing like Baku which lived and breathed it. This city is a city, not a production plant with some houses on it. 

Watched England v wallabies on the box tonight which was a lovely reminder of home. 

Other than that, nothing to report today. Bout time I sat back and relaxed a bit. 

Finally! Something worth photographing! Although what a naval piece is doing in the middle of Asia is anyone's guess. 

Day 27 - Kazakhstan

Ok, let's not beat about the bush. I'm in no way geared up for this kind of weather. It's WELL into minus temps in Almaty. Someone in the bar said -10 but I don't know if that's true. I've basically got on everything I own that is reasonably clean to go out in. The streets are covered in snow and ice and I'm slipping around like a puppy on highly polished Lino.

That said, Almaty seems like a very reasonable place. It looks clean, well to do, with a bunch of parks and stuff within an easy walk. It helps that I've spoiled myself with a nice hotel probably. That is, an actual hotel. Not a hostel, or a hostel calling itself a hotel, a real life hotel with everything that a hotel should have, including concierge, proper restaurant, illuminated sign over the door, the lot. I'm cheating aren't I? Well bollocks to it. It's my holiday, not yours. 

Went to Ye Olde Shakespeare Pub last night for my first beer in a good few days and they had The Scorpions playing in the background - just for me I'd like to think. And then they put James Blunt on. I hope that wasn't for me too. If it was they got that badly wrong. And yes, going there WAS cheating. I concede that one. I was having a clean shaven, clean body, clean clothes, night off. 

The overnight from Shimkent to Alamty was not the luxury train ride to which I've become accustomed. I couldn't get a carriage to myself. Far from it in fact. It was a bit of a bazaar in there. Families, food, booze and a very firm perch for me that was about bum width and approximately 3 inches shorter than I am tall. I didn't in all honesty get much sleep but that which did come, interrupted the sleep of those around me judging by the tired glares when the lights went on in the morning. ...I wasn't the only one snoring I can assure you. And I'm recovering from a cold. It's allowed.

I'm getting good at churches etc. now. This one is of Ascention Cathedral for those keeping tabs. 

You know, I never imagined the feeling of a fluffy cotton towel around ones sensitives could provoke such emotion in a grown man. 

Day 26 - Kazakhstan

I originally planned to loop down into Kyrgyzstan and back up to Almaty over a couple of days but the delayed ship over the Caspian has put me a little behind schedule. I've also been going from place to place without really staying anywhere for long enough to draw breath. In the end, the place I was staying in Tashkent didn't grab me as it might have done. As a result I've decided to take a shortcut straight into Kazakhstan and missing out Kyrgyzstan. That will give a me a good three days in Almaty and a chance to call somewhere home for a while, do some domestics and relax a bit. I've also resolved to find a reasonable hotel to do it in. Anyway, the plan was after all, only a plan. To quote J.R.R. Tolkien, 'Not all those who wander are lost'. It's seems an appropriate sentiment for the circumstances. So I headed off from Tashkent first thing, for a day and night of travel to Almaty.

I'll be honest, the novelty of exotic border crossings has long since worn off. You have to allow a day really to get from the place you are, to the border, cross and get to the place you want to be. Another reason for cutting the corner a bit. And sure enough, a large part of the day has been spent just getting to the town where I know I can catch a train to Almaty, Shimkent. I'll describe some of the key points;

(By the way, I'd rather not get comments about how much I've been overcharged along the way. I've been happy to pay for the privilege of not spending ten minutes haggling over the odd Dollar). 

Get a taxi from Tashkent to Chernayevka which cost 30,000 Som and about half an hour. 

Walk through the gauntlet of hawkers, beggars and assorted characters of dubious employment to the Uzbek customs hall some way up the road. 

Enter customs hall and join the circus that is 'Uzbekistan Customs Declaration Form' filling in - if you can get to the counters provided. Which I couldn't until I forced passage. 

Discover that the forms are in Uzbek and go and ask for and English version. 

Surprisingly, they had one and duly filled in and joined the customs declaration scrum. After waiting patiently for ages a while people slink, worm and barge past, decide I'm going to have to be completely un-British, abandon queuing and eventually reach the front, apologising for my behaviour as I progress. 

Get the usual sigh and dagger eyes from the customs guy as I put my UK passport on the desk and after lots of huffing and puffing get let through (no check on accommodation stamps or currency - too busy and can't be bothered). 

Join the next queue for passport control. Same scrum, same delays, same sigh and daggers. 

Go through to Kazakhstan border control and repeat the exact same process. Same sighs, same daggers.

Enter into Kazakhstan and get mobbed by taxi drivers, money changers, beggars, etc. etc. I'm pretty much the only show worth watching in town it seems, although this is a vey busy crossing with plenty of local traffic passing through. 

Get ripped off by a sweet old lady for my Uzbek Som (..I really did actually)

Choose a shared taxi for 2000 Tengi - about $11 I think but that might be a bit off, bound for Shimkent.  

The death ride should have taken 75mins but the taxi breaks down about 15mins in. Bonnet raised, fiddle, blow, curse, close bonnet, coughs into life. Slow kangaroo hops until the reluctant beast of burden decides to clear it's throat and then a 130kmph hack along sleaty roads to Shimkent. 

Extra fare required for drop off at station - of course - buy ticket for overnight train to Almaty. 4000 Tengi. 

So you see, there are a lot of elements to get right, or wrong perhaps and it's takes a dogs age for the whole thing to come together. I'm glad this is the last land border I'll have to do (I think?). 

There's not an awful lot to say about Shimkent. It's not on the tourist map really and I was only there for the train station. 

I did forget to mention my comedy slip yesterday. The ice caught me out and I went down on my arse into a muddy puddle. I only mention it now because, a) I only have one pair of trousers and it's a bit embarrassing to wander around in brown trousers b) I obviously clattered my left shoulder on the way down and it's agony carrying the pack today. Hey ho. All part of the process. 

Shimkent donning its winter coat. Told you it isn't much to write home about...

Day 25 - Uzbekistan

Had a much more interesting day today after a having had a couple of nothingy days. Had a long long walk around Tashkent and found that it has a bit about it (just not anywhere near where I'm staying). I have to say that it's quite chilly. There was quite a bit of ice about so the temps must be well below what I was hoping for, especially given my lack of cold weather gear.

I walked to the Hast Imom mosque complex which appears to be a sort of Arndale Centre for Muslims.  I was left unclear exactly what each of the buildings were for but it looked very religious. Impressive as an ensemble but Samarkand and Bukhara both have such standout places of worship, this couldn't ever really compete as a spectacle (although I'm sure it is no less important functionally). 

Went to the Grand Bazaar and had a very enjoyable hour or two wandering around. Now that IS spectacular - as these things tend to be. There's not much you can't find in that place. Every animal and every bit of every animal seemed to be well represented as far as I could tell. 

Travellers Fact - Uzbek's love Wotsits

Plov-U-Like

Day 24 - Uzbekistan

Went for a bite to eat yesterday evening. I'm not sure it was the best place in town but I had two 'cow kebabs' with some salad and it was pretty good all in all. The salad turned out to be some pickled gherkins and some picked tomatoes. Yes, picked tomatoes. VERY interesting. Not had that before. Interesting but not entirely my cup of chai. I sampled and decided to send back to the pantry for somebody else to enjoy. It was a reminder that November isn't the time for salad, so pickled salad is all that's on offer. Fair enough. One tends to forget about the seasons in the UK these days. I also got talked into having a very large Uzbek vodka which had the effect of cutting the evening very short! The finger bowl in the shot below is the vodka. There was quite a lot of it.

Caught the midday train to Tashkent. Cost 37,000 Som which sounded pretty steep but I discovered that I'd booked a VIP ticket which explained things. Here's a shot of the VIP lounge at Samarkand station.

Here's the money shot of Samarkand itself. I wasn't in Samarkand long enough to get a real feel for the place but wanted to get to Tashkent ASAP so I can spend a bit more time in one place for a change. 

Got a bit lost in Tashkent when trying to find my hostel. When I finally arrived I discovered there's not a great deal around in this part of town. So had to make do with a dinner of bread, Dairylea, a packet of crisps and a Snickers for pud. 

Travellers Tip - When arriving in a new and strange city, it's probably not a good idea to watch three episodes of, 'The Walking Dead' back to back. Gave me the hebe-jeebies. 

Day 23 - Uzbekistan

So back to more mundane matters and a few words on yesterday before getting onto today.

Yesterday was mostly strolling around Bukhara, which, was rather good actually! Very very ornate and well kept Muslim architecture plus a great big fat fort called, 'The Ark' from the.....9th century was it? Anyway, old. Visited a fairly grim prison which had an interesting history and gruesome connection to Britain. They lopped off some of our chaps heads after an unpleasant incarceration. You know, back in the glory days when we thought we owned the place. 

Lunch was excellent. My first taste of Plov. Aside from the unfortunate name, this slow cooked risotto like dry stew was exceptionally tasty and is to be highly recommended. In fact, I might try and cook it when I get home it was so good. 

Anyway, Bukhara has been yet another little gem outside of ones usual sphere of knowledge. Stayed in a B&B after being picked up off the street upon arrival by the owner (that bit is carefully phrased to further worry anxious parents by the way). It served a rather good with a breakfast of many courses. Quick review below

B&B Sarrafan

Rooms - 3 Plovs

very clean and comfortable. Towels were a little....little. Bed was ok but a bit of a squeeze for a big unit like me.

Host - 5 Plovs

English speaking and couldn't really have done more to help to be honest. Very friendly with it too. 

Facilities - 4 Plovs

Free wi-fi and a large, pleasant courtyard area. Pub on doorstep. 

Price - 4 Plovs

$20 per night. Seemed like good value for around here.

Overall - 4 Plovs

I'd recommend it. 

Left sometime after breakfast after a two night stay, heading for Samarkand. There are trains but only two per day, one early and one late and I didn't fancy either. So my laziness meant I'd have to find a different way to Samarkand. In the end this meant a mini-bus to a cab rank for an anticipated shared taxi ride but I got bundled out the mini-bus and onto a coach in about 2 minutes flat. Worked out fine as it happens. 25,000 Som plus another 8,000 for a taxi at the other end to the Registan part of Samarkand. Found a B&B after a few minutes and booked in. So another step along the way without too much drama. 

One has to get ones visa stamped every night in Uzbekistan. Not good news to forget that apparently, so registration takes a while but has so far been accompanied by free tea and cake. So it's not all bad. 

The Samarkand B&B, Bahodir, is $15 per night and the cheaper price is reflected in the accommodation on offer - but it seems ok. Samarkand is a bit more mental than Bukhara. Bigger and  busier. Will put a pic or two up tomorrow.

Sorry, no crazy massage stories to share today. Just a bit of time sightseeing and on the road. 

Breakfast in Safarran

Bukhara 

Plov

Day 22 - Uzbekistan

Ok, well I suppose I'd better tell you what else happened yesterday. I was going to include it in 'Day 21' but felt I needed some reflection time.

Sooooooo. I went to a c.16th Hammam in the middle of Bukhara. I didn't know exactly what to expect and some of you might not know either so I'll give you a brief run-down. 

Enter and pay the nice man 80,000 Som. Strip down to your birthday suit and put a towel around your bits. Enter what can only be described as an oversized bread oven and stand there for fifteen minutes while the heat takes your breath and all the moisture in your body away. It's a real pore opener. Once brown and crusty (no soggy bottom on this dude), remove from oven and leave to cool on a big marble slab. Enter stage right, a young chap with nothing on but a towel similar to ones own. He has spent my baking time lathering up and appears extremely well lubricated. 

Ok. Now for the fun part. Lay stomach down on the slab while matey all but removes my flimsy towel and begins exploring areas that hitherto only my GP dared go. And he was neither shy nor gentle about it too. Aside from well greased hands in some rather unexpected places, part of the exercise included him standing on my back and jumping up and down a bit, but it was mostly bending and kneading and trying to insert elbows between vertebrae. After seemingly several days of physical abuse, he turned me over and started on my front. Very nearly all of my front. There was more but in short, it ended up being being a massive soapy wrestling match which, I am sorry to report, he won rather convincingly.

After this came the ginger scrub (I'm not making this up by the way). He gave me a liberal coating of the ginger mush over most parts and then insisted I fully remove the towel (it wasn't covering anything by this point anyway). He indicated that I should finish the job off myself - applying scrub that is - and sit in another hot chamber for ages before pouring several buckets of cold water over me. In the end, he saw I wasn't going to submit, whatever punishment he threw at me, so he gave up and handed me a towel and told me to get dressed.

I fought him like a tiger for an hour but parted like he was my bother. Or maybe husband. I'm still not really sure how it all ended up legally. Still, we promised to write and I took my leave after a simple shake of the hand. It all seemed like an oddly platonic ending to an uncomfortably personal massage. 

All in all, I felt utterly violated by the experience yet strangely smooth and refreshed at the same time. It was, at the end of the day, an experience. 

Travellers Tip - If a mostly naked and highly slippery Uzbek tells you to apply ginger scrub to your gentlemans area, DO NOT include ones Jacobs Cream Crackers, no matter how much encouragement he gives you. Ginger has some heat to it I can tell you. It got so hot down there it was as if a candle had been lit and suspended between my thighs. I began hopping and squatting and flapping to get some cool air circulating and my were eyes watering but being British, I had to stop, stand upright, striking as casual a pose as possible and agree that everything was perfectly fine when he came back to see how I was doing. 

Everything else that happened today pales by comparison to be honest.

My camera couldn't take the steam so I had to take photos of photos, but it's a fair representation of what took place.